This is a poem I originally wrote years ago, but never felt able to share. The idea behind the poem is me as an adult, revisiting younger versions of myself to say the things I might have needed to hear at those points in my life. I often use refrains in my poetry, and the refrain in this one is there to separate the different versions of me, as well as acknowledging the fact that as a kid, if a random stranger came up to me and started giving me advice I probably wouldn’t hang around! So adult me would have to make it quick if they were going to catch me, and then make me listen.
I didn’t have an easy time as a kid, and there’s something profoundly meaningful about speaking out loud the things I needed to hear and know then, but didn’t. The voice I use is deeply self-compassionate and hopeful, but it’s also honest, firm and direct. I think I needed all of those types of voices growing up!
I found the original version of the poem again recently, and hated it. I hated it because so many of the lines and verses reflected a version of me that I’m trying so hard not to be now. I wrote lines and even whole verses about wrapping everything up into a nice little package of transformation for myself and others, communicating that one day everything will be perfect. I hinted that success meant I would eventually be TOTALLY FINE ALL OF THE TIME and would achieve all of these great things, that my value would come from those achievements and how I used my story to help others. Oh and of course that I would be this strong, unbreakable and independent person who didn’t need anyone’s help ever again.
So, I rewrote it. I love the concept and I think it has power so I didn’t want to bin it completely. But I have binned some of the messages I now recognise as toxic or unhealthy, and I’ve replaced some with a more realistic view of what it means to thrive and be whole, or at least my view of what that means.
Now, I love it, and it was great fun to perform it recently in front of a live audience at the 2024 Bristol Lyra Poetry Festival. You can read more about my involvement in that here. You can listen to the poem below, and if you need the words they’re also below. I hope you enjoy it, and I also hope that you have the opportunity to say some of the things that ‘Little You’ might have needed to hear.
Hey there little Jo, listen up before you go
Because I’ve got some things to tell you that I think you need to know.
Now I’m not a stranger and you’re not in any danger
Think of me as like your very own Power Ranger.
See I wouldn’t neglect or reject I’d protect you and
I’d interject when they disrespect you.
I’d be there at the hospital when they called your name
When they prodded and poked you and didn’t explain
When they tried in vain to take all that pain
Well I’d hold your little hand or play a silly game.
Hey there little Jo, listen up before you go
Because I’ve got some things to tell you that I think you need to know.
By now you’re a little older and the world’s grown a little colder
And the ways you feel different just seem to be getting bolder
As the weight of this world starts to rest on your shoulders.
I know the mould they’ve made for you just doesn’t fit
And it hurts and harms as you squeeze into it
Well eventually that mould will start to split
As you accept who you are bit by bit.
Hey there little Jo, listen up before you go
Because I’ve got some things to tell you that I think you need to know.
Now come the names, the stones and sticks
The lies, betrayals, punches and kicks.
I wish I could be there to tell you they’re wrong
They think you’re weak but I know you’re strong
You should never have faced that on your own
But I’m here to tell you you were never alone
You won’t get that yet but hang in there Jo
Cause this all turns around trust me I know.
Hey there little Jo, listen up before you go
Because I’ve got some things to tell you that I think you need to know.
Your eyes look at me now and they’re full of hate
Cause you’ve had enough there’s too much on your plate
Your heart’s been replaced by a solid dead weight
So to make it seem lighter you self-medicate.
You don’t want to know but you’ve got to learn
That in the morning the pain just returns
Like fighting the smoke while the fire still burns
It’ll never give you the peace you deserve.
Hey there little Jo, listen up before you go
Because I’ve got some things to tell you that I think you need to know.
Well you made your escape and I’ve gotta say well done
Cause I know there were times when it felt like they’d won
And those very same people said you’d never overcome
But where are they now? There’s none left no not one.
See you’re different now and you’re starting to dream
And you’re getting that help from the mental health team
You’re doing the work and fuck does it hurt
But it’ll heal you and help you feel your worth
Hey there little Jo, listen up before you go
Because I’ve got some things to tell you that I think you need to know.
I’m nearly done but before I leave
There’s something about pain you need to believe.
You long to be relieved from the stuff that you grieve
And although not naive it takes time to achieve.
Just hold on be patient and give it some time
If it was all done at once Jo you wouldn’t survive
But if you trust the process one day you’ll thrive
As what’s real and your dreams start to beautifully collide.
So see ya little Jo, I’m off now I’ll go
I hope these things I’ve told you are helpful for you to know.